yo, that's wack if i'm not the baddest


profile * old * mail * fucking sign it* or how about a nice note? you go forward / i'll go backwards


i cried for about three hours today. i couldnt stop then i noticed my sinus' were bleeding on my favorite kitty pillow case. then i was amazed. blood amazes me so much. i go crazy if i get a cut thinking of all of the blood cells rushing to the surface. i just stare with horror knowing that my body is releasing chemicals to combat infection, that my brain functions, that i might not be very smart but my body is. blood cant stop me from crying though. blood makes me more dramatic. by the time i'd stopped, i went into the bathroom and found my eyes crusted with blood and my nose still covered and my cheeks streaked so i took a bath and watched a pretty spider float around in the water so i saved her and put her on the side of the tub.i spent an hour in the tub staring at the cracks in the ceiling and the pictures in our james dean shower curtain. its too cold tonight. i'm paranoid. i cant describe what i feel right now. i cant describe how i feel a lot of the time. its just happy and lonely and hopeful and selfloathing all at the same time and i wrap myself in it and it keeps me warm at night. i went down to short sands one night when i felt like this and i sat on the swings and i just didnt know what to do so i looked at the stars and i was confused as fuck i just wanted to scream something but i couldnt think of anything and it was so cold and i just wanted someone to sit next to me and tell me a story about thier life but theres never anyone when i really need there to be. when i picture something beautiful, i picture 1992. life was perfect in 1992. nothing went on but the year had that feeling and it echoed in my marrow. i ate ice cream every day and listened REM and the rocky horror picture show soundtrack. my sister said her car liked to go fast and i wasnt alone. i think things have just driven away from me. thats what i think. sigh. why do four letter words make me so dark.
d-land