chasing her down the street, wanting a bicycle of my own, grabbing at the back and pulling myself on her sholders. her squeeling and surprising my enough to tip over and scrape my face along the tar. leaving big wounds, my daddy telling me he was a nurse in the army back in the 40's. dad was born in '60, but i didnt notice when he held the washcloth that the math wasnt right.

my mother reading her magazines and being overly pleased with sarahs artistic addition of a hershey bar and a cat. she cried and cried when her father died and i didnt understand. driving us around in the car, listening to michael jackson and the pretty woman soundtrack while dad was at work.

grampas big blue van, pushing snow along the dirt road that the town neglected to pave, dirt road that was all mine for running and rollerblading. that unique hum of old engines and lovely homemade shelving. keeping things we'd made him in milk cartons in the center and only after he died did we notice that he cared so much. driving miles and miles to bring us to school daily, get us breakfast, take us to the arcade.

grammy and the childrens museum of science. watching us climb the ladder to the spaceship and shouting down that we were going to the moon and we were too busy to go to pick up prescriptions. grammy waiting, not saying much while we played post office and knowing that no matter how much she treatened, she'd bring us back next week though we'd been naughty.

momar, cutting his hair while placing food out as a ploy, not being much bigger than him and the scissor handles fitting over my wrists. him sitting and me pulling at skin and orange hair, shutting him in cardboard boxes as a surprise for my mom, or needing a meow for my recorded stories so squeezing him.

sarah putting bandages on kindergarten wounds, using cotton balls and masking tape. mom chasing the cat for beating me up. crying in the bedroom when they werent nice and pulling my knees to my chest in a pile of stuffed animals.

Being so pleased when steph came home from her fathers, waiting at the window all day friday and then knowing that there'd be a green bus at the shipyard waiting to take them back to that foreign place that step-sisters go. we'd fight a lot. i was spoiled i guess.

bethany telling everyone she thought they were pretty and dalmation pants. two of us in a single bed, stretching sheets between the two to make a tent. collecting troll dolls in the house my grandfather built and put siding on.