went to boston this weekend, went to parties, got trashed and cried on the cat piss smelling futon and listening to neutral milk hotel. working on the book and realizing that one year ago tomorrow is when my biggest landmark on my short and unsuccessful life occured.

riding in the car and feeling like money and chemicals mean a lot when youre all alone and afraid. taking diet pills obsessively and wanting bones to poke out and skin to decay. hoping that everyone would make time to go to my funeral. blinking hard and wondering if you meant what you said. you make yourself into things you are not, things youd be proud of.